I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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