I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
