Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
