I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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