Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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