He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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