I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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