oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She even gives head with a lisp.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize