Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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