so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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