i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
