Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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