he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
