I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
