Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
