the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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