I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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