careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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