My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
did you just send me my own nude
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
