i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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