I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
