..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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