the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Life is so much better after having sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
