How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
