And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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