I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
