Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
