Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
