This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
