woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
