this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize