How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize