A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
