is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
