as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bring me that man meat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
