I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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