Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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