the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
