can u get pink eye on your cock?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
