...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
