I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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