I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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