If that was your dad, he is hot
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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