I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
