it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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