It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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