so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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