It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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