I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
