At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
