My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
