Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
smell my finger.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
