im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
