he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
