I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize