I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
they need to just BURY HIM!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
