I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
