You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
