just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He shit in the fireplace
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
