We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
