i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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