Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize