hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
