and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
