I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
