Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
