As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
