If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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