you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
