I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
