if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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