This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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