The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
