How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
