You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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